September 20, 2012

Q & A: How to Deal with Other Bridesmaids?

Well hot dog. It is already Thursday. This week is zooming by but you know what today brings. Q & A Thursday y'all.

It is no secret that I have been a bridesmaids 1, 256 7 times. With that many weddings under my belt, I have a bit of experience. Maybe they should create a bridesmaid for hire to keep the other gals in line. I would dominate plus I know how to throw an awesome shower. But enough about the weird skills you acquire from being in too many weddings. If you want some pointers, here, here, here, here and here are a weeks worth of posts that cover every topic from finances of being in the wedding to planning the best bachelorette party ever.

I got this question in my inbox from a dear friend.

Q. I am so excited for my best friends wedding. We are having so much fun getting to plan her big day. I like all of the bridesmaids but am having a hard time with a few things. First, she asked me to be her matron of honor. I have started brainstorming with the other bridesmaids about her bachelorette party. One girl is really wanting to go to New Orleans around Mardi Gras. I think that is a great idea and wish we all could but I am running in to budgeting problems. 3/4's of the gals in the wedding party are teachers. We live on budgets and discussed about the price point for all of us going. While New Orleans would be nice, visiting the city that time of year is just not realistic but that one bridesmaid just will not let it go. Second, the same girl is really taking over. While I love having help especially since I live in a different state than the bride, I do want to help plan too. I know a majority of the times the Matron of Honor helps with a shower and or a bridal luncheon. I just feel like I should have control of planning and ask for their help financially and with the details. What can I do to nicely tell this girl to back off. She hasn't even really asked the bride what she wants. I don't want to hurt her feelings though.

A. Oh the handful bridesmaid. Almost every wedding party has one. On a positive note, how exciting to be planning your best friends wedding and all the moments leading up to it. This is such a special time. Make the most of it! While other bridesmaids may be driving you crazy here are a few suggestions:

1. Ask the bride. Talk to the bride. See what she wants for her bachelorette and bridal brunch/shower. She is the best source. Keep her in mind in everything you do and say throughout this whole process. Regardless of the women in the bridal party (helpful, overbearing or extremely sweet), the ultimate goal is to make your best friend feel special.

2. Get all the ladies together and talk/discuss. I know that not everyone is going to agree on locations or shower invites but at least it gives every one a goal or a task. I know being in weddings you naturally want to help. This lets each gal showcase her talents. If the bridesmaid is driving you nuts then assign her a task that she is awesome at. For example, if she is really good at decorating, put her on the hunt for must have decor for the bridal shower or have her be in charge of buying the decor for the lingerie shower. Give her a task that will keep her occupied and out of your hair.

3. Chances are if she is driving you crazy, the bride has had about enough too. In other words, keep your focus on the bride. Make her feel special. Do all you can to make her months of planning less stressful. She needs it!

4. When all else fails with keep this out of control bridesmaid in line, tell her to back off (in a nice way of course). The thing about me is I am all for honesty. If you are all for honesty that means if you give it you are going to get it back too. You may just have to have a sit down with the bridesmaid and tell her to relax. As women, a lot of the time we do not even realize what we are doing is wrong. Be kind but stress the important part of slowing down a bit and if this makes you the bad guy for saying something then you may have to play the role. Do what you know is right and respectful.

I hope that helps with answering your question. The biggest things is make the bride happy and everything else will fall into place. Happy Thursday friends!

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