August 23, 2012

Q & A: Finding Happiness in Yourself & Relationships

It is a funny thing. I do love to blog about weddings and flowers and pretty but I get the biggest response about relationship posts. I know because it surprises me too. I am absolutely no expert on love but I have lived a little. I have also dated. I also have found an amazing man to spend my life with.

So the biggest thing that I have to catch up on for Thursday Q & A is relationship topics. I will try my best but can I repeat again that I am no expert. Sound advice time.

Q. I have been with the same man for quite sometime. Sometimes I am happy and sometimes I am not. I seem to be in a funk. How do I know if I am sticking around for the right reasons? What do I do?

A. First, I hope I don't talk your ear off. I can confidentially say that each and every relationship is different. I feel your decision on what to do in your relationship is specific to you and may not be the same for another couple. You should also understand that your relationship is 100% different than everyone else so do not compare. Smiling pictures of a couple on Facebook doesn't equal a happy couple. Trust me.

Now that you are not comparing yourself to someone else you have to understand the next thing I am about to say. I have said it on this blog. I have preached it to my friends. I have learned it myself. I have a t-shirt that says it. Well maybe not that last thing but understand this: You cannot be the best you or offer all of yourself to another person until you are confident and happy with who you are and know what you stand for. I will say this until I am blue in the face. If you are not a confident woman, if you do not know who you are, if you do not have a sense of what your beliefs are then you will not be able to be 100% in a romantic relationship and that relationship will not satisfy you either. Yes, your sense of self will adapt over the years. Yes, your taste in style will change but you are who you are. You should be open to growth but regardless of all these factors, you should be happy.

If you are dating: Are you not seeing eye to eye with your other half? Are you enjoying your time with him or her? Are you smiling and feeling happy? Sometimes you think you are but I ask you to look a little deeper. If you are happy 100% I am so happy for you. If you are struggling, this relationship may not be for you. Here is the kicker: only you know the answer to whether your relationship is the right relationship. Be true to yourself. I was the gal whose best friends all got marries or engaged after college. I could have done that with the guy I was dating but thank goodness I didn't! I would have missed out on Rusty. You decide your fate and that should include a really good and dreamy guy.

If you are married: This one is hard. I couldn't imagine marrying someone who didn't make me laugh 24/7 but I also know people change. Remember that things will change in your relationship but it should be for the better. Your taste for life may change but with that, your partner should be right there with you. If you aren't happy, try talking with a mutual party like a mentor or counselor. I believe that if both parties try your marriage can be a happy one. We are women and we are emotional. When you have a spat with your husband try to remember that it isn't the end of the world. Sometimes our emotions get the best of us and we think things are worse than they are. If things are truly bad then you need to try every possible resource to improving your partnership. You both should be happy and healthy!

SO what if the problem is not your relationship but your happiness? I understand. I know first hand what it is like to struggle with what you want to do in life. A few ideas for finding happiness: write down what you enjoy and go from there. If your list involves taking pictures maybe photography could be a new hobby. Try volunteering. I can guarantee that will bring you joy. A mother of three? Start a mommy and baby coffee house date or a book club. Find your outlet. I think sometimes we know what would make us happy but it may scare you a bit. It may seem bigger than you. That is good! Fight fear. Remember that you deserve happiness but you also have to be patient and strong when it comes to finding your niche.

I hope that this post makes sense. I truly believe that every woman can be smiling and that is what makes you beautiful ladies. Happy Thursday!

1 comment:

  1. Such great advice! I believe happiness in a relationship and within ourselves is an ever changing amoeba sorta thing that we constantly have to work for. But with a little effort comes beautiful results :-) Lovely post my dear!


I would love to hear from you! Let's encourage one another.