It is so easy. So easy to give into the chaos. To let the to-do list keep a presence looming over you.
It started last night. I was rushing around the house decorating for Christmas. Boxes everywhere. Pine needles on the ground. My body tired. My mind humming. I was doing the exact thing I have been trying to fight off for months...too much. The idea that too much is okay and worth it.
The holidays seem to be a blur. Fast, quick and then leaving us with an empty feeling. I promised myself a few months ago that this year I would savor it. I would revel in it. I would soak up each ounce of goodness, make time, relax.
But here I am tired and unhappy and lacking a sense of gratefulness.
We bought a house. It needs work. Everyone is busy and we already feel behind on repairs.
I am trying to grow my paper goods experience and clients on top of working 40 hours a week.
Two babies. We have two kids now. There are growing pains with that.
Life. Just life in general is passing me by.
Faith. Is my faith still and stagnant or progressing?
All these things are a constant thought but last night I reached a breaking point.
I climbed in bed unable to sleep. This morning I prayed. Lord, let me keep it simple. Let me love this time in life. Let me love the holidays. Let me praise you in the big and small. Let it happen and let me rejoice.
See the struggles of life and the above list will always be there. But I don't have to cave. I don't have to run the rat race. I don't have to be exhausted by life. (Kids not sleeping, yes. But life, no.)
Here is the positive...I see it. I can do something now. Before I would burn out. I would collapse. I would be physically ill. But now, I focus my time. I say no to more. I rest. I retreat. And that is okay. I don't apologize for it. For my family, for this season of life, I devote myself to it and that includes self care. That includes going to bed sooner. That includes doing more together as a family. That means rejoicing in the simple things.
So now I am grateful for slowing down. For letting things happen the way they do. For that second cup of coffee. For sitting in the floor and playing with my babies. For rest. For sunshine on my face. For deep breaths. For quiet runs. For lost time around the Christmas tree. For belly laughs with family. For longer phone chats with friends. For the things that matter. The things that add up.
Now it is your turn. Ready? Let's promise to enjoy the holiday season. To enjoy a fresh and new year. Let's promise to make time for the things that matter most and celebrate our own version of what matters. Promise? Good.
He never falls off of his throne. He has come to overwhelm that thing that overwhelms you. He never lets you down. - Steffany Gretzinger, Bethel Music
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