February 16, 2015

Laugh Lines, Well Deserved.

It happened faster than I thought.

I approached the mirror straight from a hot shower. I can already feel the refreshment of a long shower with no interruptions. I wipe the mirror off to remove the fog. My turban on top of my head starts to slip as I reach up to push it back up.

I begin my normal routine of cleaning my ears (a daily must), cleaning my face with astringent and applying my face lotion. Next I move to my hair and begin applying product to my damp curls.

The steam is still swirling around in the bathroom and I breath deep in the moment of total peace. I turn pandora on and begin listening to my Bethel music station. I take note that it is almost always on this playlist these days. The song begins and I start to sing along.

I throw on a clean nightgown and slip my feet into my warm slippers my mom bought me. These shoes sure have lasted me a long time and are about the only pair of shoes that I have that fit my newer sized pre-pregnancy feet. I make a mental note to finally make time to go try on new shoes.

I stand in my closet contemplating what I will wear to work that morning. Most of my clothes don't fit me still. I am working on that. I realize that I really could have a smaller wardrobe and make it work. As I am looking through my closet I realize my vision is still blurry. My contacts. I never put them in.

I walk back over to the sink and begin to put them in. I lean real close to the mirror and even though I have worn these things for 10 plus years I still struggle with them sometimes. As I get the last lens into place, I see them. How in the world do I have them? I lean even closer, my face almost pressed against the mirror. Yes, those are really them. Laugh lines. My first noticeable wrinkles.

It happened faster than I thought.

Immediately I begin to hate them. How in the world is my complexion already showing signs of age? How can this be? I am only 27 years old. Life is really just beginning for me. Life with laugh lines.

I stare at them a bit more. I place my face into a mock smile to get a better look. They are present when I smile and take a few minutes to somewhat subside once my smile is gone.

Laugh lines.

I let out a huff and decide coffee will make this travesty better. Off to the kitchen I go trying to be quiet slipping through our bedroom where our puppies and R are still sleeping peacefully.

I make my way through our sunroom still stuck on the idea that I have wrinkles. Full fledged wrinkles on my face. The sunshine distracts my mind from the thought for just a minute but my mind is fleeting and settles back on the wrinkles.

I begin the process of firing up my Keriug and gathering the essentials for my morning cup of coffee. Mug. Sugar. Creamer. Pumpkin coffee. I press the button to start brewing my mommy juice as I like to joke to Rusty. The smell immediately brightens my mood.

I open the blinds in our kitchen to see the sun pouring over the tops of the trees in the woods by our home. It brings a bit of peace. I gather up my coffee and sit at the table.

Back to the lines on my face. I can't shake the thought of them. Do they look bad? Do others notice? How self centered can I be over this because I feel I am there?

Then the thought hits me.

Laugh lines. Lines that show how much I smile. Lines that measure my joy. Lines that represent a good life. This is a positive. This is the end result and the forever thought about laugh lines.

These lines are from all the smiling I did on the day I welcomed my sweet son into the world.

These lines are from the night I first met my husband. It was instant chemistry and I laughed so much that night my smile hurt. He gave me these lines.

These lines are from the time all my girlfriends and I piled into the car for a weekend in Nashville. We laughed so much that weekend and spent it resting by the pool.

These lines are from the night before when I sat with friends enjoying a home cooked meal around their kitchen island.

These lines are from early mornings with my best friend in college. Those mornings we woke up before the sun to workout and ended up eating breakfast at McDonalds instead.

These lines are from nights laying in bed before falling asleep laughing with my husband. From my really good jokes to him making fun of my really good jokes.

These lines are from the moments God wraps me in his glory and I can feel him so close.

These lines are from those rare glimpses where my grandmother who has Alzheimer's remembers me if only for a second or two.

These lines are from Thursday night tv marathons with my best friends.

These lines are from when Skip thinks that the dogs are hilarious.

These lines are from long distance phone calls with my family in Chicago.

These lines are a result of the good in my every day life. Moments big and small. Moments that shape me. Moments that are forever ingrained so deep in me. Moments that reflect the size of my heart.

Once again I am smiling. I am accepting my changing face. I am loving those lines.

I get up to make a second cup of coffee...

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