September 9, 2014

Dear Baby Boy // Volume 2

Baby boy,

You are merely days away from being due. Yesterday was an eye opener. You know this whole pregnancy I have told people how great I feel and truly that has been the case until about week 36. Things got hard and my health showed that. Yesterday we rushed to labor and delivery with mommy struggling to breath, sweating and feeling awful. They immediately got me into a room to monitor you. That is the thing, it is all about you. Mommy will make it but baby you are the priority now and always. Even before you breathe your first breath on the earth, you are our priority and we are ready and willing for that.

As they hooked up the monitors, they saw just how healthy you are. Kicking, moving, strong heartbeat... you looked great. They also monitored contractions that mommy has been having for weeks but nothing to stay for the delivery of you. All was okay, for both you and mommy. You are already making your presence known. People have been praying for mommy and you for a long time but especially in the last month with mommy's blood pressure and having to be on bed rest.

I want you here so bad that sometimes I feel bad for the selfishness of it. I want to kiss you. I want to smell you. I want to love you. I want to rock you. I want you here but God is saying not yet. And I have to listen. It has been so theraputic to write, blog, journal, pray. I can remember when I first got pregnant I joked with your Aunt Summer that pregnancy is going to be one of the biggest lessons God uses to teach me patience. And here we are and I am struggling. I want the best for you but I secretly want to feel better. I don't feel like myself and that is hard. Compile that with other friends babies being born and mommy wants you here even more.

It is hurting my heart the waiting. I know it is what I need and you need but mommy has a selfish heart. I decided this morning after fighting God on it that I need to sign off social media. See laying in bed causes you to check your phone more often than not. And social media is distracting me from time with your Daddy, time in the word, rest and a focus on the end result.

In these last days and through my delivery I want to glorify Christ. That has been my prayer from the beginning, the true cry of my heart. A few weeks ago, our pastor prayed the prayer out loud almost verbatium to what I have been saying this entire time. It is confirmation and good confirmation. This birth is to glorify the God that gave me this gift, you baby.

It is time to focus and rest and learn patience. You are one week and two days from being due and I will never get those days back. So I plan to spend it sitting in your room, blogging (whether I push publish or not), journaling, laughing with your Daddy, worshiping, napping, watching movies and relaxing. During that time believe that I will be thinking about what you look like, what your cry sounds like, what your life will become.

Baby, we love you so much. We want the best for you so take your time in getting here. We can wait. You are so worth the wait. Every day I carry you is a blessing and I know one day I will miss having you inside of me. You are our miracle. You are our treasure. You are our baby. Our love bursts for you. Oh my, I love you son.


Mommy (well soon to be anyway)

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